Coniscliffe Carving Club

Carving Types Poem


First there’s the Beginner, still lacking in belief,

taking time with a block of lime to carve a small relief

but, with a lot of guidance, and patience from the start

the novice soon will be producing little works of art.


Then there is the Whittler, who does not need a vice –

to hold the work piece in the hand, he feels, is rather nice,

a few sharp knives, a safety glove, and he is quite at home,

he sits there quietly carving, like a little garden gnome.


Here we have the Cleaver, big mallet in his hand,

rains blows upon the chisel – to him the feeling’s grand!

For him it’s not the detail that makes him feel so good,

it’s the pleasure that he gets just from removing chunks of wood.


The sentimental Lovespoon Carver always takes the chance

to flavour his creations with those symbols of romance,

the hearts, the flowers, the wedding rings, so delicately made,

will stir the right emotions in the heart of every maid.


Here is the Tool Collector, you’ll find him, like as not,

searching all the catalogues for tools he hasn’t got.

Has every type of chisel, all honed and sharp, not dull,

he doesn’t do much carving, but his workshop is quite full.


Do you need a house name plate, memorial, or sign?

Call on the Letter Carver for a suitable design.

He’ll cut each letter carefully, slowly, and with skill,

for if the spelling can go worng, you can be sure it will!.


The Chainsaw Carver, macho man, to fear he is a stranger,

he wields his lethal weapon, he loves the thrills, the danger.

For him no paltry chisels, this is passion, the extreme,

to find the biggest trunk to carve is his abiding dream.


After practice and experience, that each carver must acquire,

to be a Gifted Amateur is to what we all aspire,

with recognition from our peers, photos in the “Gazette”,

we’ll know at last that it was worth the tears, and all the sweat.


Step forward now the Gadget Man, so grateful he, to science,

with drills and burrs and power files, and every known appliance.

If it hasn’t got a 3-pin plug, at every tool he’ll glower,

it’s not about the carving, what he wants is the power!


Focused, claustrophobic, the Chip Carver’s life becomes,

when to the lure of this strange genre the poor victim succumbs.

Needs special knives to cut out countless tiny bits of wood

in endless geometric shapes but, really, what’s the good?


The Professional works with either hand, such a sight to see,

so quick, with such ambidexterity!

His work will grace cathedral, church, and stately home,

and be admired by millions during all the years to come.


There may be more “Types” to be added to this list, it’s true,

but having read, can you decide, in truth which type are you?


Keith Hardisty